Starting Over
by fbs2
Summary: Bella Black's life has been shattered. She is facing life without a husband and has to take care of her two small children with one on the way. Before her marriage to Jacob, she only loved one other man...Edward. A story of rediscovering happiness. A/H
1. Day One

**The characters are Stephanie Meyer's.**

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**Day One**

"How did my life get to this point?" I sighed. I thought about the last year and everything that had happened or rather the feelings I had a year ago and the choices that I made to get me where I am today. "I can only hope that I can survive the next week."

"Mommy who are you talking to?" My six year old daughter looked at me. Her eyebrows were knit together with confusion.

"Sweetie, Mommy was just talking to herself. Don't worry, I'm not going crazy." I lightly smiled at her. "We should go to the park and play for a little bit."

She began to jump up and down with excitement. "Really? Mommy, I want to see how high I can get on the swing. Do you think I can get over the bar?"

"No, babe. I can't push you that high, plus I have to keep an eye on Seth. I know he'll need me to catch him at the bottom of the slide." I couldn't stand the dejected look in her face and had to reassure her "However, let's see how high you can get on your own."

I walked Emily to the coat closet and pulled out all our winter gear. Seth toddled in once he figured out we were going outside. I was glad that it was such a cold day because that would mean few, if any, people would be at our neighborhood park. I did not want people close to me right now. If they didn't know, they would find out soon about my situation and I didn't know how much longer I could hold it together for my kids. I left the cell phone. I didn't want anyone to contact me until it was on my terms.

Emily and Seth loved the park no matter the weather. It was hard to keep them from running down the street on their own. Emily was just starting to comprehend that cars could be dangerous; little did she know that it was a car that took her father away. I was still in shock as we walked, but I knew that I needed to give my kids this little bit of normalcy before their lives were turned upside-down. I knew that within the next couple of hours I would have to start arranging for a new life without a part of my world and try to say "good-bye" to a life I figure I will never have again.

The kids played, but there wasn't the same excitement as usual. It might have been due to the cold. I was sure that my mood was the reason for their reverent play. _So much for that last little bit of normalcy_, I thought.

After twenty minutes, I yelled that we would be leaving in two minutes. Both of my kids needed that warning or it would take forever to get them off of the play equipment, except for today. Emily popped her head over the rail of the slide and decided that one last "wee" was all she needed. Seth gave me the biggest smile and ran right to me. Tears started swelling in my eyes. I knew that I had to break the news to them soon, but I couldn't do it today. I hadn't come to terms with it myself. Then I felt a flutter in my abdomen. The floodgates opened. This one would never know their father.

"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?"

"Sweet girl, I don't think Daddy will be home to tuck you in tonight." Tears started to slide down my face. One tear at a time.

"Why?"

Swallowing back tears, "He is busy tonight."

That was all I could bear to say. Why couldn't I tell her that he was never coming home again? She understood that things died and went away, but no one close to her had died. It was hard enough for me just to go to funerals. How was I going to get through identifying a body when I can't even stand getting closer than three feet to an open casket? On top of that, how could I get all the funeral arrangements done? I needed someone, but who could I have help me when I just wanted to be alone to deal with this on my own? Really, what I wanted to do was escape. Strap the kids in to the car and just drive. I didn't know where, but anywhere was better than staying in one place. Could I pack up a few necessities and leave everything behind? There was too much I had to attend to and get in order before I left with the kids.

The sad point about all this is that I knew it was coming. When I was a newly wed I thought that we would be together until we were old and decrepit, but it wasn't until a year ago that I kept feeling that I was going to lose my "better half." He was the backbone of our family and the only person that I felt I could get along with on a long term basis. I'm not a difficult person, but it was always frustrating to date and find little things about other people that got on my nerves. Soon after those annoyances were manifested I would end the relationship. There were only two exceptions; my, now deceased, husband and Edward.

I met my husband during freshman orientation. Jacob was a junior who was assigned to show my group around the university. I was immediately drawn to his happy-go-lucky personality. He helped me get acquainted with college life. I began to spend most nights with him either hanging out or studying for our classes. I was so happy to have a friend so far from home and by the end of my first semester Jake wanted to get married. After a quick trip to the courthouse during Winter break, I was Isabella Black. We didn't tell anyone of our nuptials for fear of what our families would say. I felt ashamed that I couldn't share the news with them during my visit for Christmas. Jake was there with me, but no one knew the extent of our relationship. They were in for a surprise once they found out.

Sure we had some ups and downs, but things worked out and we still loved each other when all was said and done. We continued our studies. By the time we welcomed our first child, Emily, Jake was just one semester short of finishing his degree. I had a little further to go to finish. Luckily, our schedules worked out so that I could go to night school and Jake could easily finish and be able to find a job. Shortly after I finished my degree, we had Seth. He was such a joy. We wanted to give him another little playmate and once we were able to try for another baby we did. Now I'm not sure how wise that decision was. Who is going to want hire a pregnant woman?

Jake did well. His business had just started taking off. We were doing well enough to start paying down debts and bought our first home, a three bedroom bungalow in a small town. Luckily, I had the opportunity to stay home with our kids. I was never the traditional girl growing up, but I always felt that I wanted to raise my kids and not leave it up to a daycare. It was a hard decision, but once Emily was in school she excelled because of all the one on one time I could give her. I enjoyed being able to relive parts of my childhood. Life was good and now life was bad because I was alone and unemployed. I could try to take over my husbands business, but his partner was poised to take over if anything should happen. I felt helpless and alone. More alone than when I was single. Now I had two kids and one on the way. How was I going to support them? Sure I had a degree, but I've been out of work for so long I wasn't sure where I could get a job.

As my kids and I entered the door of our empty house, the answering machine beeped. Whoever it was didn't feel comfortable enough to leave a message. _Good_. That's the last thing I needed for my kids to hear. I wanted to tell them, and not have them overhear it. Although maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad and feel a little less real if it was broken to them by someone else. _Could I find someone to do this for me?_ That's a stupid idea and I shouldn't even think about that. They need to hear it from me.

The kids shed their clothes in front of the closet. _Ugh!_ I'll have to pick that up later when I wasn't such an emotional wreck. I assumed I'd be up all night anyway trying to figure out what I was going to do and who I was going to call.

I went straight to the freezer to pick out the easiest, kid-friendly meal possible. Exerting the least amount of energy was my goal. The pain was going to hit at my weakest and I wanted to keep it at bay as long as I could. Seth and, especially, Emily were excited that I wasn't forcing some sort of vegetable on them. Try as I did, my kids were pretty hardheaded when it came to food. I have to wonder if it was my hardheadedness or karma for my unwillingness to eat as a child. Mealtimes were usually a struggle, but Emily and Seth were healthy and that was what mattered.

Seth was done eating in a matter of minutes and because of my anxiety I felt it was best to get him in the bath and then put to bed. I wanted him asleep before the inevitable onslaught of phone calls. If I could get Emily in bed, even better, but she was always so methodical about eating. She had a certain way of eating and an order that was standard protocol. First, five bites of bread or mashed potatoes; second, one bite of meat; third, half bite of vegetables; then repeat. I always got frustrated with this when we would eat out because Seth was done before she even got to the second round. Tonight, I was going to breathe deep and let her have this time to herself.

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_**Please review.**_


	2. The Funeral

**The Funeral**

Jake was killed in a car accident. His body was too mangled to identify except by the tattoo on his arm. I was in the room quick enough to know that it was my husband and immediately left. I almost wanted it to be someone else so I didn't have to tell my daughter that her father would never come back home. My poor son would never remember the man that loved him. The only memories he would have of Jacob would be the pictures that we had. Seth would never remember what Jake's voice sounded like when he sang or when he was happy about something. My heart broke with these realizations. Then there was the child I was carrying. It would never even get to have their father touch them; not even once.

Luckily, Emily was at school when I had to identify the body and Seth got to spend time with our next door neighbor. She had one of her grandchildren over and was more than willing to watch him while I went to make all the funeral arrangements. The funeral home was nice, but I still didn't feel comfortable being there. I was too young to be burying my husband. I was such an emotional wreck. The funeral director was at his wits end when I kept bawling with every little decision that had to be made. I'm sure he was disappointed when I went for the simplest service they could do. Jake wasn't an extravagant person. With the state of his body, it was going to be impossible to have an open casket. So I had opted for a memorial service here and then my kids and I would take the body to La Push, Washington to have him buried in his family's cemetery.

Once I got home I called Billy, Jake's father. It rang a few times and the answering machine picked up.

"You've reach Billy. Leave a message."

I paused for a few seconds after the beep. Tears were streaming down my face.

"Billy. It's Bella." I sniffed and rubbed my nose. "I've got something I need to tell you." My voice broke by the last word. "I can't do you the dishonor of telling you on the answering machine. Please, call me back as soon as possible. Bye."

Next, I called my dad, Charlie. He only lived about thirty minutes away from Billy. I knew I could easily get him at work. I had never spent much time with Charlie before I went off to college. When Jake and I visited that first Christmas, we found out that our fathers were good friends. They seemed to be very happy that their children were becoming an item. Little did they know that we were already married at that time. Once we broke the news to them and the baby bombshell hit they were floored. They didn't understand why we never told them. Jake and I tried to explain that we wanted to prove that our marriage could work without everyone telling us we were too young. We should have realized that our dads' reaction was the least of our worries. Renee was a whole other ballpark.

"Hello, Forks Police Department." Janet the receptionist answered.

I took a deep breath trying to keep the tears at bay, "Um, is Chief Swan in?"

"Yes, may I tell him whose calling?" She cautiously asked.

"Yeah, It's Bella, his daughter. I have so..."

"Bella! How are you?" Apparently, she hadn't picked up on my anxiety.

The tears started to trickle down. I sniffed, "I'm fine, but I really need to talk to my dad."

She realized that I was in no mood to chitchat and transferred my call to his office.

The line clicked, "Chief Swan."

"Dad," my voice broke "Jake is dead." The tears poured down.

"Honey, what happened?"

"It was an accident. He was killed on impact."

Silence. I gave him a chance to digest what I just said. After a couple of minutes, I was getting worried. I couldn't even hear him breathing.

"Dad?" I knew my Dad was a man of little words, but he had seen Jake grow up and eventually become his son-in-law. Jake was a big part of his life too.

"Yeah, Bella, I'm here. How are you holding up?"

"Not well right now. I just got back from having to ID his body and arranging the memorial services."

"Oh." I could hear him take in a deep breath.

"Dad, I haven't been able to tell Billy yet. I left a message to have him call me, but if you see him tell him I really need to talk to him. I want him to hear it from me. I also need for him to get things ready to bury Jacob in the family cemetery. Okay?"

"Yeah, I got it, Bella. Billy is going to be a mess. He has already buried his wife and now his only son. Geez. I feel for him right now and he still doesn't know."

"I know Dad." I wanted to be there personally to tell everyone, but I couldn't handle face to face interactions right now. Phone calls were impersonal enough that I could hold my emotions together for the most part.

"Okay, I will see if I can find him right now. When do you have the funeral set for?" he asked.

"In three days. I figured that would be best to have the memorial on Saturday morning and then have the burial on Sunday. I wanted to have the least disruptions to Emily's schooling as possible."

"I understand."

"Hey, Dad, I need to go and pick up the kids."

"Alright." He paused for a moment. "Let me know if I can do anything for you."

"Okay, Dad. Love you. Bye."

"Love you, too. Bye."

I looked at my address book. There were so many to call. I would have to get the kids to bed early tonight that way I could make all those phone calls. I took another deep breath and headed out the door to pick up Seth and then Emily.

####

I pulled on my black dress. I looked at my hair and just pulled it in a low ponytail. My eyes were a nice pink from the continuous crying I had done over the past few days. I applied just enough makeup to look like I wasn't the ghost that I felt. Emily was dressed in her black and white polka dot dress and wanted to have her hair braided. She now understood that Daddy was in Heaven and would not be able to come back home. She seemed to easily accept it, but I feel like she is a ticking time bomb. I know today will be hard for her.

"Hey Em, come sit on the bed and I'll braid your hair." I said as I patted the space next to me. She sat down and handed me the brush and rubber bands.

"Honey, you know that I love you right?"

"Yes, Mommy." She nodded her head.

"And you know that Daddy loves you right?"

"Yes."

"Just because he isn't here doesn't mean that his love will go away. Daddy loves you just as much now as he did before he went to Heaven. I bet he probably loves you even more now because he misses being with you." I tried to comfort her with a slight hug.

"I miss him, too." Tears start streaming down her pink cheeks.

"I know, sweetie. We all do." I took her in my arms to give her a kiss on the top of her head. "Maybe we could have a special time each night and write down everything that we remember about Daddy. It will help us to remember him and help Seth and the baby that is in Mommy's belly to learn what their father was like. Can you help me do that, Em?"

"I think so." Again she nodded in the affirmative.

"Maybe we could start that tonight so that Daddy's friends and family can add memories that they have. How do you feel about that?"

"That's okay."

"You know Grandpa Billy is having everyone over at his house so that we can talk and remember Daddy. It will be a good start."

"Alright." She replied softly.

"Okay, we need to get Seth ready and make sure Grandpa Charlie is ready to go."

She nodded her head and we went to the living room where Charlie was playing with Seth. They were rolling a ball back and forth.

I sighed. It was such a nice sight to see. "Hey! There are my boys. We need to be leaving soon so let's get you two dressed."

Charlie got up and walked Seth to me. "Here you go buddy. Your Momma has a monkey suit to put you in. I'll get it off of you as soon as I can but you'll have to suffer for a couple hours. Sorry little guy."

Seth just smiled at me and said "Momma."

"Dad, let's try and get out the door in ten minutes, 'kay?"

"Sure thing, Bella." He turned and headed to his room.

I got Seth dressed and then walked out to Charlie's cruiser. The trip to the cemetery was very somber. Emily had a trail of tears from her eyes to the collar of her dress. It almost seemed like she didn't want to acknowledge their existence. If she was anything like I had been, I know if she wiped them away the tears would come full force.

I looked over at Charlie and asked, "How are you holding up? I know you've been spending a lot of time over at Billy's house. It has to be hard for you being not only my shoulder to cry on but also Billy's. How are you coping?"

"I'm doing what anyone would do. It's hard watching not only my daughter, but my best friend suffer from a loss, but he was ever so briefly a son to me also. I want to cry with everyone else, but I need to be strong for you right now."

"Oh, Dad. Thank you." I leaned over and gave him a one arm hug since he needed to concentrate on driving still.

"You know Bells, things will get better."

"I know Dad." I stared out at the passing trees. Remembering all the times that Jake and I had made the trip to La Push for birthday parties, weddings, and holidays. No matter what Jake would always unconsciously take my hand in his as we passed over the reservation boundaries. I felt his absence immediately when we passed the sign. I ended up folding my hands together to fill the void.

We pulled up to the curb and got the kids out of the back. As we started walking to the grave site Charlie was anxiously looking around. So I asked him, "What's wrong?"

"Your Mom said she'd be here at the burial and I think she is planning to stay at your house for a couple of weeks. To help you adjust and all."

I smiled. Even though my mom wasn't really involved in my childhood, she was getting it together at a time when I really needed her. I started looking around. I noticed the hearse and all of Jake's old buddies talking on the side. I turned my head to my right and I noticed the group of chairs and flower arrangements on the edge of the forest. I knew this was our final good-bye.

The minister greeted my father and me. He even talked to the kids briefly. Then he talked to me about how things would proceed. Jake's friends would bring the casket to the grave site and then he was going to say a few words followed by old Quil Atera. After the burial we would go to Billy's.

A few minutes passed and a shiny rental car pulled up. My mom got out of the car she drove straight from the airport. She walked right over and sat next to me. Charlie had moved over to accommodate her. We exchanged hugs and shed a few tears. She held my hand as everyone gathered around and then the pallbearers brought the casket to the grave. I immediately started crying. I ran through all the memories that I had of Jake while the minister was talking. The first time I saw him, our first date, the night he said "I love you", our first kiss, talking about our dreams and hopes for the future, when he proposed marriage by waking me up at 6 a.m. because he couldn't wait until dinner that night, our first night as husband and wife, the nerve-racking morning we found out we were having a baby, welcoming Emily and then Seth into our family, realizing his dream of starting his own business, and the memories kept coming until old Quil was done. I was a mess when each person shook my hand and expressed their condolences.

As the crowd waned down, Renee leaned over and said that a couple of my old friends from Arizona were here. She commented, "They loved you like a sister and once they heard about Jacob they felt strongly that they had to be here. Bella, even though you have not kept in touch with your friends, they have contacted me every once in a while to catch up with your life."

I was getting nervous, "Well? Who are you talking about Mom? We haven't lived in Arizona since I was a junior in high school. The only people I really remember are Alice Cullen, her brother, and Rosalie Hale."

"I'm surprised you even remember them considering the only way they know how to get in touch with you is through me." She was using her "I'm irritated with you" voice. "They never contacted you directly because they wanted you to want them in your life. It was kind of obvious to us all that you were avoiding them for some reason."

I was trying to keep my temper under control. "Mom, things have been pretty crazy since we moved from Arizona. We moved like, what, five times before I went off to college. I never got settled enough to find time to contact them and then once I started college then Jake happened and I've been pretty busy ever since!" I immediately pointed to my children to make sure she knew what I was busy with. "I wasn't avoiding them…I just was living a different life than what I had back in Arizona."

"Well, Bella, they still care deeply about you and have come to support you right now, so be nice and take some time to catch up with them. Okay?" She one arm hugged me and used her sweet voice to keep me from loosing my temper anymore.

I swear my mom could change personalities so easily that I wondered if she had a disorder of some sort.

"Yeah, I'll do that Mom." I breathed deep and started shaking hands with people as they passed.

I was starting to get nervous. What were they going to think of my absence? I loved Alice like a sister, but once Mom had told me that we were moving, I had to cut short my blossoming relationship with Edward. I didn't want to deal with the heartache of long-distance dating (or rather no dating). We would only get a chance to communicate by phone and computer. So I broke things off before they really stared. I knew he would easily find another girl to replace me and I didn't want to have to sit and wait for that phone call to happen. Rose was a part of our lunchroom posse. We always had plenty to talk and joke about. Once the move happened, I cut off all ties to my previous life so I wouldn't be subjected to hearing about everyone's exploits while I was miserable in Florida. Now I was going to get a chance to find out what they were up to.

I briefly scanned the people around me and saw a group of people that looked so much like my friends. They were circled around each other talking with a few strangers mixed in. Everyone else seemed otherwise engaged and so I took the opportunity to say my final good-byes to Jake. I carried Seth over and Emily followed. I leaned over to Emily and asked, "Is there something you want to say before we bury Daddy's body?"

I heard a little sniffle and looked at her. She asked, "Mommy, I don't want to say good-bye."

"Sweetie, it is more of a 'we'll see you later' than a 'good-bye.' Watch me." I turned to the casket and said, "Jake, we are going to miss you, but I know you're going to look over us until we can be together again. I'm going to miss the way you would always make my day so much better just by smiling. I promise that I will try to be the sunshine you were in my life to our children. They deserve that. I love you."

Seth surprised me by saying, "Dadda!"

I had to reply, "Yes baby boy, that's your Daddy."

Then Emily placed her small little hand on the casket and talked to the one man that would always have a piece of her heart. "Daddy, I know we won't be able to see you in person again, but I won't ever forget you. Mommy is going to help me remember all about you. I want you to know that I will do my best in school so that I can make you proud. Please take care of the family that is up in Heaven with you. Let them know we miss them too." And with that she walked away.

I then turned around to see my old friends looking at me. I walked up to them and gave them all hugs. We all shed tears of joy for our reunion and sadness for the grief that I was enduring. As I pulled away Edward whispered in my ear, "Bella, we've missed you. We are here to help you in any way you need us."


	3. Reunion

**Reunion**

I looked up at him and a shiver went through my body. Not wanting to betray the husband I had just buried or his family, I looked over to Rose and Alice. All the concern they had for me was there. At that moment, I regretted keeping them out of my life for so long. I was a horrible friend who purposely didn't keep in touch so I wouldn't get hurt when they, and especially Edward, moved on. It was obvious that they had. Alice was blatantly showing. I assumed she was around six or seven months. Rose, on the other hand, kept looking back at a huge guy with a small girl in his arms.

I took a deep breath and said, "Hey guys, I know I've been such a horrible friend, but please come to Billy's for some food and we can catch up a little."

Edward's brows scrunched with concern "Are you sure Bella? We don't want…"

"Nonsense. It's no problem at all. I think every person in a hundred mile radius has sent food. Nothing like gluttony to comfort one's soul, right?" I smirked. "There is more than enough to go around."

"It's not the food we are worried about, but we don't want to take away from you spending time with yours and Jacob's family." Alice insisted. "Besides we are going to be here for another couple days. We can catch up tomorrow. There is this cute little diner that we can meet at."

_Wonderful_. My childhood friends hop on a plane at the drop of a hat to attend the funeral of a guy they have never met who was married to an old friend that has ignored them since she moved away. I really needed to make amends. A thought popped into my head. "The kids will need to go to sleep early tonight. How about you come over around seven or eight? We can hang out at Charlie's." I said in haste trying to start repenting for my behavior over the years.

Alice and Rose nodded their heads.

"Okay, Charlie's at seven." I glanced over at the man with the baby and added, "And if anyone else came with you bring them along. I'd love to meet your significant others." I met Edwards eyes and he just looked to the ground. _Hmm. I guess he must be embarrassed by that comment._

"Bella, we just need his address and we'll be there promptly at seven." Alice smiled and patted her belly, "Please save me a family sized portion of funeral potatoes. Man, those would hit the spot right now. Oh, and some deviled eggs and if anyone brought some sweet pickles, those would be great too."

We all laughed, "I'll do that." With a smile on my face, I told them how to get to Charlie's. It was simple enough that they didn't need to write down the address. I gave them one last group hug and walked over to Charlie's cruiser. Once inside I realized how quiet it was.

"Ch-Dad, where are my kids?" I asked with concern.

"Jake's sisters took them so that they could play with their cousins."

"Oh. That was really thoughtful of her."

We rode over to Billy's in silence. I was starting to feel a little better about my life. Even though I just said good-bye to my friend and husband, I have been given a new opportunity to reconnect with old friends. Even in death Jake brought a bit of sunshine to a dreary situation. A few more tears came.

####

We all sat around in Billy's porch watching the kids play. We had all shared an assortment of stories about Jake. Most of them had us laughing so hard my stomach hurt. When I put my hand on my stomach both Rachel and Rebecca gasped.

"Bella!" Rachel all but screamed.

"What?"

"When were you going to tell us that you were pregnant?" Rebecca screamed.

"Uh. Jake and I were waiting until I was over the three month mark. We were going to give everyone a call this weekend." And in a second the light atmosphere was gone and the magnitude of my situation dawned on everyone. I was an unemployed, widow, and mother of two with one on the way.

Charlie asked, "Bella, what are you going to do for money in the meantime?"

I shrugged, "I'm not really sure. We have a little bit of savings but not enough to take care of a family and also have a baby. I'll figure something out once we get back home. I still need to talk to Jake's business partner to see if he'll let me keep Jake's stock of the business. If not, hopefully the buyout from Jake's portion will be something substantial after his share of the loan debt. So, I hope that will be enough until I can go to work. Those are my options right now because no one is going to hire a pregnant woman with the economy the way it is right now."

Rebecca piped up, "You could try your hand at writing. I remember Jake saying you were excellent. Didn't you submit some short stories or something to a magazine a few years ago?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, or something. It wasn't really good, but yeah, I did submit some short stories to a magazine. The publication isn't widely circulated and so it wasn't hard to get a story printed. But I'll give it some thought and see what I can do with my writing. It would be nice for some pocket cash."

"Well anything is better than nothing at all, Bella." Charlie insisted. "Plus, you have all of us to help you when things get too tough."

I leaned into him and said "Thank you, Dad." Then I looked up to everyone's concerned eyes, "Thanks everyone for your concern. I'll let you know if I need anything at all. I know you'd have my head if Jake's kids had to go without for anything."

Chuckles rang out and rounds of "yeah" sounded. Seth and Emily came up and crawled on to my lap.

Billy had to have the last word on the subject. "If things get too tough back at home, there are open rooms available here at my place and at Charlie's until you can get on your feet."

"Thanks, Billy." I looked at my watch. It was already five thirty. I needed to head home and put the kids to bed. "Hey Dad, we need to get back to your place. I need to get the kids to bed, plus, I have friends coming over at seven."

He nodded and started packing up all our things. Emily gathered pieces of paper from everyone that had a story to share about her Daddy. The excitement in her eyes told me that these were going to be her new bedtime stories. I was happy to see so many people from Jake's life willing to share their memories with us.

I looked over at Rachel and asked if she could help me pack up some of the food. She nodded and walked with me inside.

"You know that we love you and want to see you happy, right?"

"I know, Rachel."

"With that said, please don't avoid us. Okay?"

"I got it. I have to make up for wasted time with one set of friends tonight. That's not a habit I want to continue…avoiding people and then make up for lost time together because a tragedy brought us together."

She nodded, "Good. I want my niece and nephew to know their family and they will even if I have to hunt you down."

We laughed. "I wouldn't put it past you to do it, too." She was very attached to her family.

Once all the food was packed and kids were buckled in their seats we said good-bye to everyone. Mom was there and gave me a long hug. I told her to come by Charlie's tonight, but she wanted me to just have time with my friends. She insisted that she'd drop by for a few hours before she left tomorrow for Seattle. She was going to do some sightseeing while I stayed with Charlie for a couple more days. Then she would be at my place for a week then head back to Jacksonville. We kissed each other on the cheek and I got in Charlie's car.

By the time we got home both kids were out. I didn't bother bathing them, but just simply pulled their clothes off and slid their pajamas on them. I tucked them in, kissed their foreheads and whispered "I love you." I grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom to change myself. I peeled off my dress. It was probably the last I'd be able to fit into it until after the baby came. Once I had my own pajama bottoms and a t-shirt on, I threw my hair up in a ponytail and felt so much more comfortable.

_####_

_Knock, knock, knock_. They were here right at seven. Their need for punctuality had not diminished over the years. I swung the door open and Alice enveloped me in a hug as best she could.

"I missed you so much!" She wined.

"Alice, I just saw you six hours ago." I chuckled.

She looked at me incredulously, "That's not what I meant and you know it."

I nodded and waved her in to the house. Everyone else filed in after her, either shaking my hand or giving me a hug. The last two people who came in were an utter surprise to me. Esme and Carlisle were like parents to me in high school. Going to their house was like coming home. Everyone there accepted me for who I was. It was a nice change of pace from the place I called home. Instead of being the one taking care of others, I was taken care of at the Cullen's home. They both gave me tight hugs and held me for a minute expressing their condolences and conveying how much they missed me.

I directed everyone to the kitchen where I had food set up buffet style on the counter. Alice squealed at my choices of food.

Smiling I stated, "Yes, Alice, I got every item that you requested, plus some."

"Well, I wasn't sure you'd get everything. I was rambling off so many things."

"I've got a pretty good memory." I tapped me head.

"Apparently, it wasn't good enough because you somehow forgot everyone's phone numbers and that you promised to keep in touch." She stated bluntly.

I winced at her statement. She was right. I had promised to keep in touch and I knew their phone numbers and addresses by heart. I'd have to talk privately with Alice some time in the future and let her know why I avoided them.

"You're right and I'm trying to correct that."

"Okay, you're forgiven. Just don't do it again." She pointed at me.

"Thank you and I won't."

Carlisle snickered and added, "You're still like my own daughter, Bella, and what's a family reunion without a little squabble between siblings." He ended with a one armed hug. He continued, "Oh, and Esme and I are sorry that we weren't able to make the burial. We were flying standby and couldn't get here until a couple hours ago."

"It's okay, Carlisle. I feel fortunate that you are here at all."

Alice sat down at the table stuffing her face with food and asked, "What is everyone else waiting for? Am I the only one that's going to eat? If so, I'm totally getting the rest of the sweet pickles."

We all laughed and I said, "Well, maybe everyone is waiting for the pregnant ladies to go first and then they'll all take what's left over."

Immediately, everything went silent and I turned to face everyone. All eyes were on me, then on my small baby bump.

"What?" Feeling a bit of déjà vu from earlier.

Alice lit up like the fourth of July. She practically screamed, "Really! When are you due?"

"I'm due in September." I turned back to the food and started scooping more food on to my plate. It seemed everyone was placated for the time being. I went to sit at the kitchen table and Edward sat down next to me with a small plate of food. Soon he spoke up.

"I have to say that Bella is the most beautiful pregnant mother of two I've ever seen." I immediately blushed. "Wouldn't everyone agree?"

Esme said, "Bella, I wish that I looked as good as you do when I was in your situation."

I looked at her confused. "What are you talking about? I thought you only had Edward and Alice."

She laughed. "I guess you never got a chance to meet Emmett." She patted the shoulder of the big guy next to Rose. "He was our first born, not Edward."

"How did I miss this?" I don't remember Edward or Alice ever talking about Emmett at all. Well, maybe they did but it wasn't enough for me to remember that they had a brother.

"Emmett is quite a bit older than Edward and Alice. He was ten when Edward was born. So once you started coming over regularly Emmett was in college and living his own life and only kept in touch on holidays."

"Oh. That explains everything." I sighed sarcastically. "Why didn't you talk about him?"

"I'm sure we did but why would you be interested in someone you've never met?" Edward countered.

"Point taken." I then looked over at Emmett. "Hey, I'm Bella, your pseudo sister. It's nice to meet you."

"Ah, my prodigal pseudo sister finally acknowledges me. I can die a happy man now." He joked.

Rose slapped him on the back. "You know good and well that you weren't really interested in your family until you realized that I hung out with your brother and sister."

"Rosie, I loved my family, but yes you made me refocus on what was most important…You and then my family." He ended with a kiss.

Intrigued I asked, "How did you two meet then?"

Rose took the lead, "I was at the Cullen's for Christmas one year with my brother because my parents were having a second honeymoon in Fiji. Emmett just happened to have time scheduled off so he could be home for the holidays. And once we laid eyes on each other we never took them off."

Edward mumbled, "And the same goes for their hands."

Everyone broke out into laughter and Rose glared at Edward.

He threw his hands up and said, "Hey! You know it's true. You two can't keep your hands to yourself."

Emmett snickered, "He's right Rose, I do love to touch you and I really like it when you touch me." He ended with a kiss to her neck. She was thoroughly enjoying the attention from her husband. It looked like she wanted to take him in her arms, but her child was snuggled up in her arms.

"So, Rose, tell me about the beautiful little girl I see in your arms."

I was blinded by her radiant smile. Rose was always the most beautiful girl in school. So many guys wanted to just be around her. It seemed like she was always fighting off rumors from either the guys that wished they could get in her pants or the girls that were so jealous of her beauty.

"This little gem is my sweet Caroline. The first song we heard on the radio when we found out we were having a girl was that Neil Diamond song. We instantly knew what her name would be." She leaned down and kissed the little girl's hair.

"That's so sweet. You know when boys start showing interest they will sing that song to woo her."

Emmett spoke up, "Nuh, uh…not until she is thirty and I have a room full of rifles to show any boy that expects to touch my daughter."

"Kind of like how you were with Rose?" Alice responded.

Carefully avoiding the question he responded, "I know how a guy thinks. I don't want any dirty minded boy even looking at my sweet girl unless he knows he will loose his manhood if he gets one foot out of line."

"So if little Miss Caroline decided to date a guy just like her daddy, he would never get a chance to procreate at all?" Alice scoffed.

"If he was just like me he would know how to approach me. Face it. I am awesome when it comes to the parental sort."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Right. Just like how my parents absolutely LOVED you for the first few months while we dated?" Sarcasm dripping from her words.

"Rose, your parents had a lot going on. Jasper and Alice were getting married and didn't want to have an empty nest in a year's time. They only hated me because you were the youngest."

"I don't think so. I believe the fact that they caught you sneaking into my room, and then my bed on a separate occasion was what made them hate you so much."

Wanting to end the subject he said, "They love me now because they have the most adorable granddaughter. Who wouldn't love something that I helped produce?"

"Honey, I'm sorry but I don't think your job in the production was that hard. If I remember correctly you fainted right before our little girl made her debut." Rosalie added.

Alice put in her two cents, "Now there might be some competition for most adorable grandchild once this one is born in June."

"Alice, that is so cool that you ended up marrying Jasper. Didn't you fall in love with him when you were in eighth grade and he was a senior in high school?" I asked.

"Yeah, we got married once I was done with college. We have only been married for a few years now."

"That's wonderful. I still can't believe that your crush actually turned in to something more…permanent."

"I know, right?"

We continued to eat, but Caroline started getting a little fussy. Rosalie looked at her watch and said that they needed to head over to the motel. The little darling needed to be put down for the night.

Everyone stood up and headed out the door giving me a hug on the way out. We made plans to have breakfast at the diner. I promised to bring the kids.

The last person to leave was Edward. It seemed like he had something to talk to me about and was waiting until everyone was out of earshot. He pulled me in to a hug and said, "Bella, I still love you and if you need anything and I mean anything let me know." I felt a shiver run up and down my body.

I nodded, "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded and turned away towards the cars.

I waved and leaned against the door frame. _Things can't possibly be getting complicated with another man. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since I buried husband._


	4. Edward

**Edward**

Edward POV

_Beep_. I picked up the phone. "Dr. Cullen."

"Doctor Cullen, your sister is on the phone. She says it's an emergency." I breathed deeply, hoping that nothing had happened to Mom or Dad.

"Alright. Please send the call through."

There was a click and a frantic Alice spoke up. "Edward?"

"Yes, Alice, I'm here. What's going on?"

"Edward, Bella needs us."

"What do you mean? We haven't seen her in years. Remember _she_ stopped talking to _us_." The bitterness was coming back. I was so in love with Bella when she left, but once she was gone…nothing, not even a card.

She explained as fast as she could, "Well, I had a really bad feeling about her and decided to contact Renee. When I called, she had just gotten off the phone with Bella. Renee told me that Bella's husband had just passed away."

I gasped. Bella had been married? Now she was a widow? _Not Bella. She deserved a better life than that._

"How long was she married for?" I asked hesitantly not really wanting to know the answer. Bella had easily moved on. I almost felt broken…again.

I started thinking about Bella and the relationship we had.

_We were in my bedroom talking. She was sitting at the foot of my bed while I was laying down next to her._

"_Edward?" I looked up at Bella's tear-filled eyes._

"_What's wrong?" I was immediately concerned._

"_Mom said that we were moving in a couple months. Phil needs to move to Florida." _

_I had to hug her. I didn't want to let her go. Maybe there was some way that we could keep her here. I knew I needed to talk to my Mom and Dad. _

_I looked deep into her eyes, "Bella we will work things out. We just got to where we could actually stop beating around the bush and say that we liked each other. Damn! I feel like the world is working against us. How is it that once we have one another we are already getting pulled apart?" I pulled my hand through my hair and exhaled loudly._

"_Edward, I know and I hate it as much as you, but maybe we can make the most of our time together." She said with as much enthusiasm is she could muster. _

"_I'm going to talk to my parents and see if they will let you stay with us until you graduate. It's unfair that you will have to go to a new school in the middle of your junior year. You deserve to graduate with the friends you grew up with."_

"_Look at it like this Edward. You were going to move and go off to college in August anyway. Maybe this will be a way to see if a long-distance relationship would work for us."_

"_You're right. Let's act like this isn't such a big deal and just enjoy our time together." She hugged me __closer. "We can always plan special trips to see one another during holidays or I could apply to schools in Florida."_

"_Yes. Let's do that." And I kissed her with as much passion as I could muster. _

_We slowly lowered to the bed and started to kiss all over one another's face when we needed to come up for air. I was in heaven. Bella was one of my best friends and now I could share this aspect of my life with her. She and I were meant for each other. I kept pushing the envelope with her every time we were together. If she let me touch the skin on her back, I would slip a hand to her abdomen. Once she was comfortable with that I would slowly raise my trembling hand up to her breasts. The sounds she made only encouraged me more. _

_I slipped both hands under her bra and kneaded her breasts with all that I had. I hoped I wasn't being too rough, but again, no signs of discomfort. So I lifted the bra up to her collarbone and began to suck on them. I was so aroused that I was about to come undone right there. It would have been so embarrassing. I knew that I wanted Bella to be my first and only. In the back corners of my mind I wanted to be her first. But now wasn't the time to do this. I stopped abruptly. _

"_Bella! We really need to stop."_

"_Why?" She pouted._

"_Number one, I don't have any protection. And number two, I want my first time to be special…especially if it is with you." I blushed. When I looked at her she was an even deeper red than I'm sure my face was._

"_Are you serious that you've never been with anyone else?"_

"_Yes. I always wanted you. No one else could compare to you and I figured I'd save myself for the right person instead of just anyone."_

_She smiled and patted my shoulder. "I will be happy when that day comes." She smirked, "Pun intended."_

_We never got a chance to consummate our relationship because her mother decided to move much sooner than originally anticipated. I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye. _

"Around seven years." Alice practically whispered. _That means that when I was in my second year of college, she was married._

I brought my hand up to my head and started rubbing it to get rid of the tension I was feeling. Bella didn't care for me at all, but I sure as hell still cared for her. She had moved on without a second thought about me. I wondered if she even remembered me.

Alice asked, "Are you still there Edward?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I'm just trying to process everything. Bella never struck me as the marry-right-out-of-high-school type."

"It surprised me too when Renee told me about it. Then she told me that it wasn't because she was pregnant. Apparently, they got married without telling anyone. No one found out about the marriage until they told everyone she was pregnant."

Trying to get to the reason why she called me, I said, "Okay. As much as I'd like to hear about Bella's life since she left, where is she at now and when and where is the funeral?"

"You see that's the funny thing. She lives in Washington. Pretty close to Seattle if I'm not mistaken. She is having a memorial on Saturday in her town and then there is a graveside service on Sunday in La Push."

"Alice, I'll check the newspapers and see if I can't make the memorial, but I'm not sure if I'll get a chance to drive all the way to La Push. It's quite a long drive to be with someone who obviously doesn't care about us anymore."

"Edward, I know things didn't work out how you had hoped. Look at this as a chance to rekindle an old friendship and if things progress to more…" I could hear a smile in her voice, "then so be it."

"Alice this isn't the best time to come in and tell Bella that I still love her. She needs to grieve."

"I know that! I don't expect you to. Just let her know that even after all this time you still care. Anyway, you're not going alone. We'll all be there. Rose, Emmett, Caroline, and I are flying out tonight. Mom and Dad are trying to get a flight after his conference is over." Finally, she breathed.

She didn't mention her loving husband, Jasper. "I noticed you didn't mention Jasper. What's he got going on?"

"He didn't have any extra time to schedule off since he is trying to save all his vacation time for when the baby comes."

"Ah, yes. You've got, what, three more months?"

"Yes, if all goes well. Of course I don't foresee any problems arising." She stated very smugly.

"Well, I'm looking forward finding out what it is."

"Oh, I know what it is, but I want to save the surprise for everyone else."

"Still, it will be fun to see you with a mini Alice or mini Jasper."

"I'm sure it will be adorable either way."

"I'm sure it will, Alice."

I got a page letting me know that there was a patient waiting for me. I had to end this call quickly or I would be held up for who knows how much longer. "Uh, Alice, I just got paged to go see a patient. Give me a call right before you leave so I will know when to pick you up from the airport. You're welcome to stay at my place. I've got two extra bedrooms you know."

"Alright, Edward, I'll give you a call later on and let you know."

"Bye, Love you."

"Love you, too."

I headed out to the long corridor to do my job.

When this residency opened up I was pretty excited about it, I was looking for something close to the outdoors. I wanted to be in the city, but also close enough to the mountains to go hiking, mountain biking, or rock climbing at the drop of a hat if I wanted. I couldn't believe my luck. Now I knew the one draw back that would have kept me from coming here if I had known…Bella. I still loved her and always have. Even when I dated other women, I would compare them to Bella. It was unfair, but she was the only one I ever wanted. When she had left, life wasn't the same. Girls threw themselves at me, but I just wasn't interest. I kept hoping that Bella would try to make a long-distance relationship work.

I graduated from high school that same year she moved. I was only a year older, but I had assumed she would join me at Dartmouth. Even with the move I expected to get a letter saying that she was coming. It had been our dream to go there for years. I always told myself that if I got a chance to talk to Bella again I'd have to ask what happened. Looks like that chance was going to happen sooner rather than later.

Work continued on and luckily I was able to switch shifts with my coworkers so that I could be at the burial and stay an extra day, per Alice's instructions. She was already a bossy little thing and then with the pregnancy she was even worse. She had even told me what clothes to wear. It is sad that she knows my closet even though she is over a thousand miles away.

Once Alice, Rose, Emmett and Caroline arrived things were crazy to say the least. I loved having someone at the apartment when I got home. It felt right to come home to a home full of my family members.

The morning of the burial was intense. We arrived just as the minister started speaking. We stayed in the back and paid our respects until the crowd died down enough for us to approach Bella. She was a vision. A little girl and small boy were with her. I assumed those were her children. They were absolutely adorable. Bella moved with ease taking her children to the casket to say their final good-byes. It was heart wrenching to watch Bella's daughter walk away with tear-filled eyes. I can only imagine what she is going through. Once Bella started walking in our direction I started to get nervous. All those feelings I had for her years ago came back tenfold. I had to keep telling myself that 1) She just buried her husband, 2) She has two small kids to take care of, and 3) She probably doesn't see me that way. We talked briefly and planned to meet up later that night.

When we arrived Bella had both kids down for the night. It was fun to catch up and just be friends again. Mom and Dad even made it to be with Bella during this time. We found out that she was a few months pregnant and just started telling people. My heart went out to her. She was so much stronger than I had imagined. She blew it off like it wasn't a big deal. At times, it even seemed like we hadn't missed any time being together as friends.

I was enjoying myself so much that I didn't want to leave when Caroline started to fuss. We had all ridden together in Emmett's rented Tahoe. I could feel the pull to be with Bella strengthening, but knew it was not right to give in to the pull just yet. I let her know that I was close and that I was available if she wanted me. I hoped to God that she didn't just want me, but needed me. However I understood that the next move was hers to take.

That night all I dreamt about was having a family with Bella. I imagined her three kids gathered around us as we welcomed another little baby into our family. It was such a happy dream that I didn't want to wake up the next morning and face reality. It was time to head over to the diner with everyone and meet the rest of Bella's family.


	5. The Diner

**The Diner**

I woke up to my heart rapidly beating. Both of my children were still sleeping soundly. I looked at the clock trying to figure out what time it was. _Only three-thirty?_ I threw myself back on the pillow and willed myself to go back to sleep. My dream had really thrown me for a loop.

I laid there thinking about what it could have meant. I was at our home. Jacob had just gotten home and was playing with the children while I made dinner. I had just finished up and was setting the table. For some reason I had set the table for multiple guests. Then in a moment everyone appeared at the table. Only adults were seated at the table. This confused me because a minute ago my children were running around the house. I only heard silence. I looked around the table. At one end was Jacob and at the other was Edward. I was seated in the middle with familiar, and at the same moment, unfamiliar people. As we mentally spoke to each other I figured out that one of the women was Emily and one of the men was my little Seth all grown up. There were three other adults sitting at the table. I became very unsettled when they all started referring to me as "Mom." _What?_ Only Emily referred to Jake as "Dad" the rest called Edward "Dad or Father." By the end of the dream both Edward and Jake were looking at me with love-filled eyes and reached for me simultaneously. I instinctively reached for Jake first, but his hand was just an illusion. There was nothing to grasp. I started bawling and Edward slipped out of his seat and pulled me into a tight hug.

After thinking about the dream and not finding the rest which I so desperately wanted, I got up without waking the kids. I wandered into the kitchen and started making bread. It was something that would help pass the time and get my anxiety out.

Once I was pulling the bread out of the oven Charlie, Emily, and Seth came wondering into the kitchen. All were pretty excited about fresh baked bread, but I told Emily and Seth that they could have some after we got back because it was still too hot to eat. They stomped back up to the room to get dressed and then we headed over to the diner to see my friends.

Everyone was already seated at a long table. They all waved and I started to introduce everyone to my children. Seth was very outgoing. He gave everyone high-fives and smiles. Emily was her typical reserved self. When it was time to order she very quietly whispered to me that she wanted waffles, bacon, and orange juice.

Once our orders were placed, Seth pointed at Caroline and practically yelled, "Ba-BY!"

"Yes, little guy, that's a baby." I cooed in his ear.

Edward was sitting next to Emily and started talking to her. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but whatever he was saying had her interest. Then out of nowhere she started giggling. Finally, she had a smile on her face. I hadn't seen a smile adorn her face since the day of the accident.

Esme's curiosity got the better of her and asked, "Edward, what are you saying to this young lady that has her in such fits of giggles." This made Emily start laughing even harder.

I followed her line of sight and realized she was laughing at Emmett. His current expression was hilarious. He was slightly leaning to the side, his head tilted, eyes glassed over with his mouth slightly agape. I started laughing, too, and pointed so everyone knew what was so funny. It wasn't until Rose laughed that he came out of his daze.

Edward asked, "Long night, Emmett?"

He rubbed his eyes. "Yeah. I took Caroline while Rose slept in between nursings." He looked at everyone's smiling faces and interjected, "Besides Bella and Mom and Dad the rest of you have no idea what it is like. Just wait your day will come." He pointed at Alice and Edward. He then took a swig of his water. Emmett began to smack his mouth like something didn't taste right. Edward and Emily began snickering again.

Alice patted her stomach and said, "Not this little one. It will be a perfect little angel."

"That's what you think, but every child has their moments." Rose insisted.

"No. I know this one won't do that to me."

I had to speak up. "Alice, I have two and one on the way and both my children are as different as night and day. However, both have had at least one night that they were upset and stayed up all night. If it doesn't happen as an infant, it will happen once they are older and it is no fun as they get older. Things are worse and way grosser then."

Edward cleared his throat, "Bella's right. I would rather have an infant up all night than a child. With bigger kids come bigger and smellier messes."

With that Carlisle said, "I think we need to switch to a better topic so we don't all lose our appetite."

Emmett finally spoke up, "Who the hell put salt in my water?"

No one fessed up, but it was pretty easy to figure out by Edward and Emily's reaction. They couldn't control their laughter.

I leaned over to Emily and told her to apologize. She immediately said "Sorry" and then I gave Edward a stern look.

He stopped smiling, coughed, and said, "Yeah, sorry Emmett. It won't happen again."

"It better not." He huffed and got from his seat to get a new glass of water.

Not too long after our breakfast arrived. We all started devouring our food. I started to think about why Edward was in Seattle. It seemed like such a contrast to Phoenix. So I perked up and asked, "Edward, what brought all the way up here to Washington?"

He wiped his mouth with his napkin trying to finish chewing his food before he spoke. "Well, I finished med school last year and I decided to do my residency at the children's hospital in Seattle."

"So, what area of medicine?" I asked.

"Um…I'm in general pediatrics."

"Really? That's great. So if I need medical advice for the kids I know who to turn to." I smiled at him.

He nodded his acceptance and said, "Yeah, I'd be happy to help. My schedule is pretty crazy at the hospital, but I think by next year things should calm down a little since I will be prepping to go in to a private practice."

"Will you stay in Washington or go back to Arizona once your residency is done."

He shook his head and responded. "I haven't decided anything yet. I would like to be in a small town."

"Why's that?"

"Um…a few reasons, but they are mostly selfish reasons." I looked at him with confusion. He continued, "There is a loan repayment program that will contribute so much money to my student loan debt if I go to a rural community, which would be nice. Plus I can do pretty well financially with a small town. With bigger cities come more competition, less patients, and ultimately less money until I am well established. Then the last reason is that I have always envisioned raising a family in a small town. So I figure I should establish myself where I want to raise my children…if I ever have a family." He looked at me while he said the last few words.

My heart started beating, but I dismissed it as old feelings for someone who moved on like I had. What was wrong with me anyway? I have way too much baggage for a single guy like him to take on.

With that last thought, I looked at Seth to my left and Emily to my right. They were so precious to me. I knew that when and if I ever moved on they would be loved because they were so easy to love, just like their father. Tears threatened to descend. But I breathed deeply to stop them as quickly as possible.

Alice spoke up, "Bella, I never got a chance to ask you, where you ended up going to college?"

"I ended up at the University of Washington. It was between schools in Florida or Washington because I could get instate tuition for both. Charlie lives here and Mom in Florida, as you know. I couldn't stand the heat and humidity there so I opted for Washington. I know I had always talked about Dartmouth but once I saw the tuition costs it was out of the question. And that was even IF I got accepted. Neither of my parents had the funds to send me there. Even at Washington I still had to take out loans, but it was manageable."

Carlisle spoke up, "That was a wise decision. I've been to Florida for medical conferences in Miami and Orlando and it is always wet. It's nice to visit, but to live…it wasn't at the top of my list."

"So are you and Esme planning on moving some time soon?" I asked.

"Well, I am tempted to move since all our kids have moved away."

Esme spoke up, "It just isn't the same living in our home without anyone to visit us. Emmett lives in Portland, Alice in San Francisco, and Edward in Seattle. I think it would be nice to live close to at least one of our children."

"Not to boast or anything but it would be very easy for me to find a job and that would be the biggest issue if we were to move." Carlisle said as he gave Esme a hug.

"Well, I know that your skills will be quite useful no matter where you go. It would be nice to be close to your kids."

"Yes it would be." They said in unison.

"Ahhh, Mom and Dad you make me feel so loved." Emmett said rubbing away a fake tear.

"We are currently looking at places in Washington, Oregon and Northern California, but Carlisle still has to give the hospital notice of his intentions of leaving." Esme said.

"I bet they won't like that one bit." I said.

Alice nodded in agreement, "No they won't, but whoever gets our father will be absolutely ecstatic."

Seth began to start squirming in his seat. I knew that we had reached his time limit for sitting. I mentioned to everyone that I needed to let the kids go outside and stretch their legs.

Esme perked up, "You know Bella we could go to the park and let the kids play so that we can spend a little more time together before we have leave in a couple hours."

"That would be great. Thank you."

"It's our pleasure, dear." She patted my hand.

I told them where the park was and we all loaded up in our cars and headed over. It was a little chilly, but spring was definitely coming. The flowers were on the verge of blooming. I couldn't wait until next month when everything would be in full bloom and I could really enjoy the outdoors.

The kids immediately went to the swings. I got Emily started on her swing and then went to put Seth in the toddler swing, but Edward had beat me to it. I looked at him and said "Thanks."

"No problem. I don't know how you're going to do it once the third one comes."

I sighed. I knew what he was talking about even going to the park was going to be a feat. "Don't remind me. I guess it will be the little things that will remind me of how alone I really am."

He looked at me with sad eyes and said, "Bella, I'm only thirty minutes away so if you ever have anything that you'll need a second person to help out with, please let me know."

"I'll keep that in mind." I smiled at him.

Emmett and Rosalie came over and put Caroline in. They had stuffed blankets all around her to help her sit up. It was so cute to see this bear of a man be so gentle with his little one. Then there was Rosalie. All she had ever wanted was to be a mom and here she was being the perfect mother and wife to her family. How I longed for those days again. I looked back at Edward and he knew what I was seeing. I shook my head slightly to clear my mind and then Alice came up beside me to help push Emily.

She leaned over and whispered, "It will be okay Bella. You'll get your happy ending soon enough."

I looked at her like she was crazy. She just smirked and kept pushing Emily.

After about ten minutes of swinging, Emily was done and asked Edward, "Do you want to play hide and seek?"

Edward nodded with enthusiasm saying, "Of course!" They ran off and got Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett to play. I took over Edward's post pushing Seth.

Once Seth caught site of everyone running around he wanted out and waddled over to where each one was hiding giving away their spot. Eventually, Edward grabbed Seth and had him hide and find with him. It was very cute.

While watching all this I sat on a bench next to Alice. She was lightly rubbing her belly. I loved her stage of pregnancy. It's obvious that she was pregnant, but before one really packs on the water weight right before delivery. I looked over at her and asked, "So…I guess you want to know why I avoided you."

"Yes, some sort of explanation would be nice."

"Well, you remember that Edward and I were just barely dating when my Mom told me we were moving."

"Yes."

"We didn't really get a chance to work on our relationship because Mom decided to leave one weekend and I didn't get a free moment to call. Then, I just didn't want to drag Edward through a long distance relationship that wouldn't last. At the time it seemed a better idea to cut all ties to him so I wouldn't be hurt when he did move on. Even if I had kept in touch with you and Rose I know his name would have been brought up and I didn't know if my heart could take it."

"You see, Bella, that's where you're wrong. Edward cared and still cares deeply for you. He never forgot you and he never really dated once you were gone."

"Really? He never dated? He was so popular." I was absolutely floored. I was sure that he would have forgotten about me and moved on.

"He was, but he only had eyes for you. He even went to college the summer after he graduated so that he could escape the memories of you. He immersed himself in his studies and was in med school three years later. Then he was even in an accelerated medical school program. I really think he would have specialized, but this residency in Seattle came up and he felt really good about it. I really think that he did all that to avoid the hurt he was feeling. So here he is only a hop, skip and a jump away from you. I think it is fate."

"Alice, fate has nothing to do with this. It is purely coincidental. Now that things have slowed down for him he'll find someone special." I nodded towards the man in question.

"He still cares for _you, _Bella."

"He may think he cares, but I've got too much baggage for him. He's single, successful, good-looking, he's everything that any woman wants and I can't take away his chance of having a family all his own. He doesn't need me and have an 'insta-family' from the time he commits. Plus, I don't want to see the heartache in my kids' eyes if he gets close to them and then decides that it's too much for him."

"Bella, just from the interaction that I've seen, and knowing my brother the way I do, he will love your kids as his own. Just give it a chance if it arises…and I know it will." She tapped her head.

I laughed and turned to look at everyone playing like we were all a big, happy family. _We'll see, Alice, we'll see._


	6. Ultrasound

**Ultrasound**

It has been over a month and a half since we buried Jake. It's been emotional to say the least. I've had to go through all of his old things and give them to his family members so they could have something to remember him by. Then I've donated all his old clothes to charities. I cleaned out his side of the closet and his drawers because I needed closure in my home. It was too hard to get dressed with his clothes there. It felt like he would come home at any time. I had to move on and have a fresh start.

Emily was still waking up in the middle of the night yelling for Jake. My heart broke for her. It will take her a while to accept the dramatic changes that have happened in her short life. Most nights I would end up sleeping with her to calm her down. I knew I would either have to get her a bigger bed or have her come sleep with me soon because her twin bed was getting too uncomfortable to sleep in.

Seth was still as sweet as can be. He would help me with the laundry and sort out daddy's clothes into "give-away" piles. I loved having him home. He was the reason why I didn't lose it every day.

Alice called me every other day to check up on me. Some days it was to the point of annoyance, but I knew that she did it because she was truly concerned for my well being. Edward would call about once a week to check up on me too. Those phone calls were always awkward. Of course they were awkward, who was I kidding? My old flame was trying to comfort me, a pregnant widow mourning the loss of a husband and taking care of two children. He had no idea of what I was going through and was doing his best to make me feel good. He always offered to buy some food and bring it over so I didn't have to cook, but I always refused saying that I was a hormonal, pregnant woman whose cravings would change from one food to the next in the blink of an eye. It was really a lie to keep him from coming over. It felt wrong to even think about another man sitting in Jacob's seat at the dining room table.

The biggest thing I've had to deal with is Jake's business partner, James. He's been a real prick. He constantly talks down to me and it feels like he is trying to force me to give him Jake's half of the business. He is too cheap to even buy out Jake's half. He's got some pretty shady friends that keep calling me and threatening different foolish things. I feel that they were just empty threats and that my family was safe. Things have really started to get nasty between us and I am threatening to take him to court. If anything I knew that our case would hold up because of the contract that my husband and James had signed. I didn't see any loopholes in the document.

I have really started to feel the strain from the last month and I'm not sure how it will affect the baby. Luckily my next prenatal appointment was today. Seth was staying at our next door neighbor's again while I went to this appointment. I was going to find out what I was having today.

Butterflies were ripping through my body as I sat in the chair waiting for my name to be called. Jake was with me when I found out what both our other kids were. Now I was doing this on my own. Just as I was about to tear up Alice called.

"Hello, Alice." my voice broke.

"Bella is everything okay?"

"Um…I'm at the OB's office right now. I'm about to find out what I'm going to have."

"Great! Good! I'm glad I was able to catch you before you went in. I knew the appointment was today but I wasn't sure what time."

"Okay?" I was wondering what she wanted. "Alice is there something you need to tell me?"

"Oh I was wondering if Edward could meet up with you since I'm not able to be there with you today. I know this has to be really emotional and all for you." She said in a flash.

"Slow down Alice. I'm probably going to be in there before he can even be here and that's if he isn't at the hospital working." I huffed.

"Actually, I think he is on his way. I told him who your doctor was and-"

"Alice!" I practically yelled into the phone.

"What? He knew the doctor when I mentioned the name and where her office was so he thought he could be there for moral support."

"I don't think this is a good idea." I breathed.

"I think it is a wonderful idea."

"Why?"

"Because. He can be the next best thing to Jake for your kids. He loves kids, still loves you, "

I had to cut her off. "Alice you don't know that."

"Actually, I do." She said with annoyance.

"Why? Has he told you lately?"

"No, but he doesn't have to. The way he looked at you last month was the same and when I talk to him he always perks up when I mention your name."

I sighed, "Okay, so when is he going to be here?"

"Probably in the next five minutes. And Bella, be nice. He hasn't put himself out there like this for anyone since you left Arizona."

"Alright, Alice, I'll be on my best behavior. But please stop trying to get Edward and me together. If it happens I'll let it happen, but I have to be fair to him. I'm still mourning my husband. I still haven't removed my wedding ring." I said while twisting the ring around my finger.

"You'll get there, Bella. I can't wait to call you my sister and it actually be true."

"Alright Nostradamus."

"Love ya Bella and have fun. Let us know how things go."

I laughed. "I will. Bye, Alice."

As soon as I put the phone in my purse, everything happened all at once. Edward walked through the door and then my name was called. I froze. He stared at me begging to let him come with me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I couldn't move. The nurse looked at me and called my name. I finally snapped out of it. I slowly got out of my seat and headed to the nurse. She asked me how I was doing and stopped when Edward walked up next to me. She looked at me trying to gauge my reaction to him and if I wanted him with me. I quickly nodded my head and she showed us to the ultrasound room.

Once in there she instructed me to sit on the table and lift my shirt and pull my bottoms down past my abdomen. I was a little uncomfortable. Then she squirted the jelly on my midsection. The jelly was cold and I had kept my bladder full so it would be easier to view the baby. Holy cow did I regret that decision to not go to the bathroom right before coming to the office. I felt that with each pass over my belly I was going to pee all over myself. Maybe I should and that would turn Edward off. The idea quickly passed once the image of my little baby came on the screen. She started tapping away at the keys and measuring different points on the baby's body. My heart started to swell with the love I felt for this little life. This was the last thing Jacob would be able to give to me. Silent tears rolled down my cheek and then I felt Edward take my hand and rub the knuckles.

The nurse looked up and asked "Do you want to know what you're having?"

I furiously nodded my head.

She changed the wand positioning on my belly and takes a picture. She immediately types "Girl" on the screen. The tears are coming now and she handed me some Kleenex to clean off the jelly and some extra to wipe away my tears. She quietly exited the room and told me to go to room two to see the doctor once I was ready. I nodded my head. Edward leaned down and gave me a one-armed hug and kept feeding me Kleenex. After a few minutes I was composed enough to walk to the exam room. Still Edward hadn't said a thing and was there to be a shoulder to cry on.

A nurse came in and told me that they forgot to get my weight, blood pressure and temperature. She asked if I could head over to the weighing station for a minute before the doctor came in. I nodded and went with her. I was glad that Edward was still in the exam room and wouldn't know every little detail about my health. Once the necessary vitals were taken I headed back to the room.

The doctor knocked on the door and came in. She took in my appearance and the fact that I was with a man other than my husband and cautiously entered.

She cleared her throat and said, "Well, it looks like a girl! I'm sure Emily will be excited, huh?"

I nodded and sniffled.

She put her portable computer on the counter and told me to hop up on the table. She asked me to pull my shirt up and pants down below my belly. Out came the tape measure to see how my belly was growing. Then she squirted a little jelly on my belly and used the device in her hand to listen to the heartbeat. I know it was silly of me to be relieved when the whoosh, whoosh sounded considering I'd just seen and heard the baby during the ultrasound, but I was.

She looked at me while continuing to listen, "Any names yet?"

I shook my head, "No." I looked away and again tried to hold back the waterworks.

"So, Bella, are there any questions you have about your pregnancy?" She cautiously asked.

"Dr. Weber, over a month ago my husband died in a car wreck and I've been under a lot of stress. Is this dangerous for the baby?"

The light came on as to why someone besides my husband was there. "I am so sorry to hear that, Bella. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"I don't think anyone can." I scoffed.

"Bella, this is a very hormonal time for you. Do you have people helping you in any way?"

I shook my head. "No. I live so far away from everyone and I don't want to be an inconvenience to anyone."

"Nonsense." Edward breathed and turned to the doctor. "I am an old friend of Bella's. We go way back to high school. I live thirty minutes away from her and I've offered to help."

She extended her hand and he shook it. She introduced herself, "I'm Dr. Angela Weber."

"Dr. Edward Cullen. I'm doing my residency at Children's."

"Oh, yeah...do you also fill in on the maternity floor every once in a while?" Edward nodded.

She nodded her head and turned to me. "Bella, this man is willing to help. That is a rarity and then if there is a problem with the kids I'm sure he will make a house call." She smiled and added, "How much better can it get?"

I nodded and smiled at what she said. I knew that Edward would help in any way he could. Having a friend as a pediatrician when there would be three kids on a very limited income was a godsend.

"With that said, Bella, I want you to take it easy for the rest of your pregnancy. I'm not putting you on bed rest, but commanding you to rest a little more than you have and let your friend here help out because I know you need it. You look worn out."

I nodded.

After I had checked out at the front desk and headed out the door, I looked over at Edward. His eyes were a little red-rimmed.

I asked, "What's wrong?"

He just shrugged.

So I elbowed him. "Come on. What's got you all emotional? I thought I was the hormonal one here."

He looked at me with such sincerity and admitted, "That was such a special moment you had in there, Bella. You are carrying a life. I just got to share in your joy to find out what you're having and then the intense pain that you must be feeling because Jake isn't here. You should have seen the light in your eyes as you saw the baby on the screen and then once you found out, I could see intense joy and sadness. How do you do it?"

I stopped next to my car and said, "Not very easily."

He grabbed my arm and asked, "Bella, let me take you to lunch to celebrate."

"Okay."

"What do you want?"

"Hmmm…" I patted my belly. "Peach pancakes sound really good right now."

He chuckled and asked, "And where would we go to get that?"

"I don't know if any place around here serves them, but if you buy the groceries I'll make them. Mmmmm."

"Okay. How about I follow you to your place and then I'll take you grocery shopping?"

I lazily nodded my head while dreaming of a stack of pancakes with peaches and syrup. I couldn't wait.

Once in the car, I sped away to my house with Edward following close behind.


	7. Groceries

**Groceries**

As I pulled up to the house I motioned to a spot for him to park. I could tell he was taking in the place I called home. Did he think it was quaint or was it an armpit compared to the place he lived? He kept his face blank. I led him inside and threw the keys on the table next to the door.

"Make yourself at home. I've got to go pick up Seth next door." Anxiously I added, "I'll be right back."

I ran next door. I noticed the curtain fluttering a little in Mrs. Newton's window and knew I needed to explain who Edward was. She was a single empty nester with loose lips at the bridge table. She was like any other women in the neighborhood...nosy. Not to mention the fact that her son has been coming around more and more often in the last few weeks. He is a nice guy, but I am not interested right now. I'm not sure yet, but I think she is trying to be as available as possible for babysitting so that she can guilt me into dating her son. _Note to self: find someone else to help watch kids._

I knocked on the door twice and it finally swung open.

"Oh, Bella! I didn't realize you would be done so early." She lied glancing at the strange car.

"Yeah, things went a little quicker this time." I paused. "How did Seth do?"

"He is a dream. He just played and had the best time playing with Mike when he dropped by. I can't wait to see him be a father. He would be the best father to any child. Too bad there-"

Quickly I cut in, "I'm sorry, but I have an old high school friend visiting me and need to get back over to the house." I knew if I didn't stop her now she would go into the top 100 qualities of Michael J. Newton. Maybe if her son's name wasn't Michael Jackson he would actually have some prospects. There's nothing like a white kid with no moves to disgrace the memory of the King of Pop. I think that is the reason why he only goes by Mike.

I step in and walk over to Seth and he immediately gives me a hug and kiss. I love this kid! I turn around and thank Mrs Newton for her services.

"It was a pleasure, Bella, and please bring him by any time."

I nod, "Thanks again."

On the way over to the house I look at Seth and tell him, "We have a visitor at home. Do you remember Edward?" He has a blank stare. I guess not. "He is going to go with us and pick up some food for lunch!"

He looked at me excited and clapped, "Eat!"

"Yes, big boy." I then gave him a kiss on the forehead and opened the door to my house.

Edward was looking over all of the pictures on the wall. Then he looked up and turned around like he was in trouble. "Sorry I was checking out the pictures."

"It's no problem they are up there to be looked at. Now if you were going through my naughty pictures that were for Jake's eyes only I would have to kill you." I said with a smirk.

He looked at me in surprise. "Do you seriously have...?"

I crinkle my brows, "What?"

"You know...naughty pictures. I never pegged you as the type."

"It's always the quiet ones, right?" I started laughing because he was taking me seriously. I had to take a deep breath and tell him, "No! I would never do that. Plus Jake was never a picture guy he wanted the real thing." I said with a blush.

I looked at the floor after a couple seconds of silence.

"Okay then, awkward subject over. How about those pancakes?"

"Uh...yeah. Let's get to the store!" Edward rushed out to his car.

"Hey, Edward!" I called out. "We need to get the carseat out of my car unless you don't mind me driving."

He was already pulling open the driver's side door. I guess I really messed with him because he was so off after those comments I made.

"Oh! Oh, yeah! I completely forgot about Seth. No we'll take my car. It's not a big deal to switch the seat over."

I walked over to the car and started to undo the seat. Edward leaned in and started to undo the latches too. We were so close that I felt the need to stop and stand up so that he could get the seat himself. Really how many awkward moments can we have in one day?

He easily pulled the seat out and transferred it over to his car. Seth ran up to Edward and stretched out his arms to be picked up. Edward pulled him up and spun him around. Seth squealed with delight. Then Edward settled my little man in his seat.

I was about to reach for the handle of the passenger side when Edward pushed my hand away and opened the door for me. I smiled, sat down and thanked him.

Wow. That hasn't happened since before I married Jake. Swoon. Why does Edward have to be so perfect?

As soon as we hit the road Edward hit the gas. He was going excessively fast and when I asked him why he justified it by saying, "I don't want to have to suffer the wrath of a pregnant woman who is hungry. The sooner we get you fed the sooner I can feel safe." He smiled at me. "Not that you have any homicidal tendencies, but I've heard of women who claimed hormonal insanity and got off scott free."

"Now, I think that's all an old wives tale. That is just too impossible."

"I read it on the internet, so it must be true!" He jested.

I scoffed, "You can't believe everything you read online."

He rolled his eyes at me. "I know that." He took a deep breath and continued, "So where do I go now?"

I directed him to my favorite store and we set off to get all of the groceries we needed. I figured it would only take fifteen minutes, but with Edward there to entertain Seth I got lost in the actual experience of shopping. I could compare ingredients and prices to find the best thing for my money when I came back for my regular grocery run. I even looked at items that I needed to buy later. By the time we got to the cash register I noticed that the shopping cart was full to the brim. Things I gave to Edward for the pancakes plus one of almost everything else I had looked at. He had been putting things in as we passed. _Great._ We were already queued up in the line and there was no way out without causing a big scene and Edward knew it. When I glared at him, he just gave me the biggest smile and then continued playing with Seth.

I gave up and just let him buy it all. I really wished that I had looked at some veal, Halibut, New York Strips or something else grotesquely expensive just to stick it to him. _Maybe next time._ Wait a minute...am I going to let this happen again?


	8. Lunch Date

**Lunch Date**

"Wow, Bella! That was great." Edward picked up his cleaned off plate from the table and headed to the kitchen sink.

I looked up at his retreating form. "Thanks, but it's not that special. It is just what I was craving." I turned back to feeding my son. I couldn't give him a whole plate of pancakes with fruit on top because he loves to squeeze the fruit and syrup between his little fingers and make the biggest mess.

"Really, Bella, it was good and I can help finish feeding Seth so you can eat this great meal."

"Could you do that? That would be wonderful."

"Oh yeah. It's not a problem."

I got up and handed the plate of Seth's food and the sticky fork that I would hand to Seth to eat with. I assumed Edward would cringe like most guys not use to small children would do. I still couldn't get it through my mind that Edward works with kids and shouldn't be completely grossed out by them and their messes. I sat in the seat next to Edward and watched while I ate.

This was how I wanted my life. Having someone to help relieve some of the daily stresses that came with parenthood. It is the small things that make me miss Jake. My mind started remembering that last morning that he was alive.

"_Bella, you really need to wake up." I heard but just rolled over to my stomach and put a pillow over my head. _

_Jake proceeded to shake me. "Wake up Bella, the kids are going to be awake soon and if we are going to have any private time at all you need to wake up." _

"_But I'm too tired." I dragged out._

"_I don't think so." He proceeded to kiss my neck._

_I lazily rolled over and looked at him. "Maybe I'm not that tired."_

"_That's my girl." _

_We ended up making out and things led to the private time that Jake desperately needed and wanted. _

_The kids woke up shortly thereafter and demanded food. Jake got Seth changed and helped Emily pick out her clothes while I got breakfast ready. I sent him off with a kiss and we whispered "I love you" to each other. He smiled and waved from the car._

That was my last memory of him. I look up and Edward looks like he is waiting for me to respond.

"What did you say? I was out of it for a minute there."

"I was just talking about how you should bring the kids over to the Children's hospital and play with the kids there. There are patients there that haven't had the chance to play with regular kids in a while. As long as your kids aren't sick they can play and think it would a good experience for all involved."

"I would be okay with that. When do they have times for this to happen?"

"There is an open play time in the afternoon that would probably work well for Emily. After she is done with school, of course."

"Right. And Seth isn't too young?"

"No, the kids love babies and toddlers. We will just need to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't pull on cords or push buttons that don't need to be touched."

"I will have to look at our schedule to see what day would be good."

"Great! And the days you come over I will try to steal a few minutes and buy you some dinner so you don't have to worry about it." He mentioned like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. He just bought us TONS of groceries. He didn't need to do anymore.

I shook my head, "Edward, I think you've done enough."

"It's okay, Bella. It's the least I can do."

"No, I'm a big girl with a family and I can take care of myself."

He reached over and grasped my hand, "I know you're a big girl," he smirked, "but I figured since you would be in my neck of the woods I could do something nice, not out of pity, but out of friendship, for you."

"I guess s-" I was cut off by the phone ringing. I picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hey Bella, it's Alice. How did it go?"

"Oh, it was great! Do you want to know what it is?"

"It's a girl isn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"It was pretty easy to figure out with you tone and excitement."

"Really?"

"Yeah, women tend to be more excited over having a girl than a boy."

"Well, good guess. We're-" I look over a Edward who is watching me pretty intently, "I'm having a another little girl. It is pretty exciting. Emily still doesn't know."

"I guess I should let you go then so you can tell your little girl."

I look up at the clock, "Crap! I'm late."

"You haven't picked her up yet?"

"No! I was eating lunch with Edward and time just flew by. I better go."

"I'll talk to you later." She said with a smile in her voice.

"Bye, Alice."

Edward was already cleaning Seth off at the kitchen sink. He turned to me and said, "I can watch Seth for you here if you need to go pick Emily up."

I nodded, "That would be great. Thank you." and rushed out the door with my keys and purse in hand.

When I pulled up to the school Emily was waiting with an irate looking teacher. I walked up and knelt down to hug my little girl because she looked like she was on the verge of tears. I whispered my apologies over and over.

I glanced up at the teacher and said "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize what time it was."

"It's okay Mrs. Black, but don't let it happen again. It took me 15 minutes to get her calmed down. She is really sensitive right now if someone doesn't show up when they are supposed to."

I nod. I know this. I am the same way right now. Worried that those I love and depend on will be gone before I have a chance to see them again.

I lead Emily to the car. We hug one more time and I tell her I love her before she gets in buckles herself.

When we get to the house she jumps out of the car and runs toward Mrs. Newton's. I yell at her because I know she is going to get her brother, "Emily! Seth is in the house."

She looks confused. "Did you leave him home alone?"

"No. Do you remember Edward?" She nods. "He watched Seth while I picked you up."

"Oh." She looks defeated.

As we're entering the house I ask, "What's wrong?"

She shrugs, "Nothing."

I figure I should let it go and ask more questions later when she is ready to talk.

We walk into the living room where Edward and Seth are playing hide-and-go-seek. Seth is squealing with delight because he is being spun around in Edward's arms.

Edward notices us and quickly says "Seth tag mommy!" Once his feet hit the floor he runs up to me and touches me then he runs back to Edward and they run down the hall. Edward yells, "Emily run and hide and, Bella, count to twenty!"

Smiling I close my eyes and count to twenty. I start walking around and looking for them. I turn the corner and see Emily hiding under the kitchen table. I coax her out and get her to help me find the others. She is a little reluctant, but goes ahead of me while I make a big production of looking for Edward and Seth.

"They must be behind the shower curtain!", I quickly move the curtain to the side. "Nope, not here!" I venture into Seth's room, "I wonder if they are under the rug?" I hear a giggle from the closet quickly followed with a "shhh." Wanting to drag it out a little more I look under the bed. Once I get to the closet Seth is practically screaming to me where he is. "Mommy! Here!" I open the closet and he is sitting in Edwards lap then leaps into my arms once I'm close enough.

Edward looks at him and says, "Kid, you've got to be quiet so she WON'T find us." He shakes his head and looks up in time to see Emily run from the doorway to her room and slams the door.

"Can you play with Seth for a little bit? I need to see what's wrong." Seth eagerly goes to him.

Edward nods toward where my daughter escaped and says, "Of course."

I knock on her door. No answer. "Emily, can I come in sweetie?" No answer again. I knock once more and after another bit of silence I open the door to my sweet girl crying into her pillow. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I run my hand up and down her back as I sit down next to her. Her sobs continued on for several more minutes.

As soon as they slow a little I ask, "What's wrong, sweet girl?"

She wipes her nose across her forearm. "I want Daddy back." And then with more force, "And I hate Edward!" She throws herself on to the bed once again and sobs some more.

It all comes together. Seeing Edward here she feels the void that we've all been ignoring.

"Oh, sweet girl, do you know where Daddy is?" She nods her head. "He is looking down on us and he wants us to remember him, but to also do everything we can to show the love he gave us by being nice to others. What do you think we should do to make Edward feel welcomed here?" Silence. "I know you thought he was pretty cool when you first met him. Remember he was messing with his brother's drink?"

She giggled and cried simultaneously. I laughed too at the memory. Emmett's reaction was classic.

"See he isn't that bad of a person and he has really helped me out today."

She looks at me waiting for me to continue.

"You should see all the groceries he got us. And he helped to watch Seth when I needed to pick you up."

"But you were late Mommy! I thought you were gone because ALL of the other kids and teachers went home!" Tears were flowing down her cheeks and dripping on to her shirt.

I hug her close, "I know baby, but I came and I promise it won't happen again."

We sit in our embrace for several more minutes until I pull away and ask what she wants for dinner. She sniffles a bit and says that she would like macaroni and cheese. My mom brain throws up a red flag and I suggest at least having some peas with it so that she will get some semblance of a vegetable with her meal. This meal is all about comfort.

While I start on dinner I have Emily start her homework. I realize that I haven't heard Seth or Edward for a while. I look around for them and find Edward sprawled out on Seth's bed and Seth is nuzzled into his side. It is just too cute. I smile and crack the door so that they can get a little more sleep before dinner.


	9. Love you

**Love You**

Edward helped me get Emily and Seth ready for bed. Things were pretty uneventful getting the kids in the bath and dressed. Once teeth were brushed, we all sat down in the living room to read a bedtime story. This was wonderful. The kids weren't whining or upset and they were getting to bed before 9 o'clock. That was the icing on the cake and it was all because of Edward. I knew this was dangerous territory. Doing these things with Edward was not the best idea. I was starting to yearn for a content and happy family again, but it wasn't mine to have. Edward might have been mine for a brief period in high school but now he didn't need all this baggage.

Edward took Seth to his room to tuck him in and I carried my sweet little girl to her room. I took this chance to talk to Emily about her daddy. I told her about the first time I met him and the funny little jokes he use to tell. She seemed to really enjoy it and soon was drifting off. I kissed her forehead and said "Night sweet girl. Love you!"

She replied sleepily, "Love you too, Mommy."

I closed the door until it was slightly cracked and crept over to Seth's door. Edward was just tucking him in. I walked in and went to go hug my little guy. "I love you little man!"

He in turn said, "Wuv you, Mama." Then rubbed my belly, "Wuv you too, baby." He proceeded to wrap his little arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheek. My heart filled with so much love for this little guy. How much sweeter could a kid get?

When I looked up I saw Edward standing by the bed looking on with a very serene expression on his face. Once he realized that I was looking at him he shook his head and put his hand out to help me up. I gladly took it since my ability was getting more and more hindered. He slowly pulled me up and lightly pulled me out the door.

I didn't know what to do. I was holding his hand. I was holding the hand of some guy that was not my husband. That familiar feeling of loss hit me and I quickly let go. He looked at me, but seemed to understand my actions.

I stepped past him and walked into the kitchen to start washing dishes and getting everything cleaned up. As I walked up to the sink, Edward kept pace with me and took his spot next to me to dry the dishes. I was thankful. I had stopped using the dishwasher because I was cutting costs everywhere I could. The need to not burn through our saving was a big issue for me. With the baby due soon, I needed to make sure I had enough money to get us past having the baby. I was really hoping that Jake's partner would come through soon and buy Jake's shares of the business, but he was still being a jerk about it and saying that he didn't have to do squat.

Edward and I worked in harmony to get the chores done and when the last dish was put up I turned and Edward was looking at me. I couldn't quite get the emotion that was there. It was a very familiar look, but I couldn't remember when I last saw it. Suddenly he started to lean towards me and put he hands on either side of me on the counter. Gradually he got closer and closer, but then I realized all the reasons why I was so wrong for him now and put my hand on his chest.

"Edward, we can't do this."

"What?"

Pointing between him and me, "We can't do this. You deserve to start a relationship with someone who doesn't have so much baggage. I have to think of my kids right now."

"Bella, I love your kids. And I still love you. Nothing has changed for me since we dated in high school."

"You're wrong."

"No, I'm not!"

"I have two kids and one on the way! How is that not completely different? Building a relationship is hard enough, but throwing in two children and then eventually a baby is just too much for a bachelor your age. You need to go out and meet new and interesting people. Live the life that you've deprived yourself of."

"You make me sound like I'm fifty." He smiled. "But I don't want that, Bella." He said exasperatedly. "I want you. I've only wanted you. None of the other girls ever held a flame to you!"

"How do you know? You never dated after I left."

"What are you talking about? I dated, it just never went passed a first date. They were miserable excuses of a date because they weren't you."

I took a long cleansing breath, "And what will happen if you decide that all this is too much to take on. How will the kids handle it? They would be devastated. Seth is already enamored by you. How could I let another man into Emily heart only to fear it getting broken again? I just can't do it right now."

"I would never do that, Bella."

"You say that now, but how do you know?" I go to sit down at the table. "I think we need to just keep it as a friendship and then if things change we will cross that bridge, but we can't jump right back in where we were in high school. We aren't teenagers. There are more hearts at stake than our own."

He is looking at the floor. "I won't give up. I still love you and every time I'm with your kids which has only been a total of two times I fall more in love with them too."

"It's still too soon." I look at the clock and feel like we need to end this so that I can get some semblance of sleep. "You should probably leave now."

He nods and goes to gather his keys and wallet. As he opens the door he looks at me and says, "I'm not giving up yet. The flame is as bright as ever for me."

He then closes the door and he is gone. I go to sit on the couch and mull over all that he has said in my brain. Then fall asleep on the couch catching glimpses of a life that only Edward could bring. I wake startled and drowsily head to my own bed.

**I am almost caught up to where I was before the re-edit. I know it has taken me forever, but I just wasn't happy with the format of the story. I wanted it to go in a certain direction. **


	10. On a Jetplane

**On a Jet Plane**

I am currently seated between my two children on a plane. What was I smoking when I agreed to fly out to Florida to spend time with my mom? Our relationship is like it always was, except now I have my own children to look after plus her. I was always the mother and Renee was always a child. Very rarely did she exhibit any sort of motherly behavior. The funeral was the last time I remember her acting the part of a mother since...I'm not sure when. I think it was the reason why I was so drawn to the Cullen household. Who wouldn't be? Esme was the picture of domesticity. She always had fresh made bread and homemade cookies in the cookie jar. They always ate at the dinner table and the food was made with love. But, I digress.

Mom was mom. Even though she was too young to be a flower-child, she followed their free-spirit ideals. I even remember her taking a hit of LSD and smoking pot with her friends when I was a kid. I didn't realize what had happened until I was in a drug prevention class at school. Mom hated that I lectured her about the ills of participating in those types of activities. And like the teen-at-heart that she was she just turned the music up. Some nights I would have to get out of bed to tell her to turn it down so that I could sleep and be able to function in school. I totally got the eye roll from my mom then. So why am I on this plane? Oh yeah...

It had been a couple of days since the debacle with Edward. I was a little mopy, and decided that I needed to get the kids out and do something big before the baby came. I knew funds were limited, but maybe if I found a good enough deal I could take the kids to Florida. Plus with the money I'd saved on our grocery excursion, courtesy of Edward, we had a little wiggle room. We could spend the nights with mom and she'd get a chance to see the kids and maybe I'd get a chance to relax on the beach. Mmmmm...sun.

When I called my mother to ask her if we could come out she was ecstatic. So much so she demanded that we take the kids to Disney World one day. Her treat. Well, that would make this trip even bigger for my kids.

I ended up finding a really good rate since I was able to fly on less desirable days and times. I will probably end up regretting it, but I keep telling myself "I got a a good deal. I got a good deal."

I look over at Emily in the window seat and she is thoroughly enjoying the view. Seth is constantly wiggling in his seat. I took every recommendation to bring toys and books, but he just wants to get up and run around. We have been cramped in three planes so far and then waiting either in a line or sitting in a chair waiting. So I am anxiously awaiting the seat belt light to go off so that I don't get the stink eye from the stewardess again. My little guy just wants to walk around.

Luckily, this is the last leg of our trip and this one is the shortest.

Once the wiggles are out of my little guy, we sit down and he starts to get really sleepy. His little head nuzzles in to my side and I just brush my fingers through his hair. In no time he is out. For the rest of the flight I stare out the window and look at the glow of the street lamps below us. Emily is practically bouncing in her seat. I am dreading the added stress of being here, but it is worth it for everyone else involved. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will get some down time on the beach.

"Mommy, look! We're about to land! I can see the airport from here."

I look out the window a to where she is pointing and sure enough we are about to land. As soon as we touch down and I say a prayer that nothing will happen between here and the terminal. I only do this because most plane accidents that I have seen video coverage of are on the tarmac, either taking off or landing. I can be such a coward sometimes.

Once the plane has pulled safely to its terminal, Emily wants to jump right up, but I tell her to let everyone go before us because I have to get all of our stuff and carry Seth out. She nods and watches everyone as they pass. As soon as the last person passes I get up to get our things. Luckily, I thought ahead enough to make all of our carry-ons backpacks. This makes my carrying Seth a lot easier. Emily puts her backpack on and we walk slowly through the airport. I could rush with Emily to the baggage claim, but what is the point when it takes forever for our bags to get unloaded and we would have to wait once we got there.

As soon as we get to the baggage claim area, our bags are already sitting there with mom right beside them. Emily sees this and starts to sprint, yelling "Grandma!"

Emily's arms are wrapped tightly around Renee's neck as I walk up and once I get close enough my mom leans in to hug Seth and I.

"He is out, isn't he?" She rubs his head.

"Yeah. He crashed on this last flight."

She nods, "Well, it's been a long day for everyone so lets get you settled in for the night."

"Sounds great."

The wheels on the suitcases periodically hit the groove in the pavement, but continue on. I am watching as mom and Emily animatedly talk to each other. I look at their relationship with jealousy. Why couldn't I have that growing up? Why is it that mom wants to be all matronly now that she is a grandmother? I need to save my bitterness for another day.

I pull the suitcase up behind the car and start to unzip it. Mom looks over with confusion.

So I answer her look, "I have never trusted airlines with keeping car seats fully intact so I packed Seth's in with all of our things."

It was a challenge to do, but everything is how it should be with the car seat. Mom is amazed, but quickly takes Seth from me so that I can install his seat.

Once everyone is safely buckled up, we are off to my mom's house. I haven't been to this new one yet. Mom and Phil have moved as least three more times since I went off to college. They say it is because they haven't found the perfect house yet. I think it is because mom secretly likes to change her view periodically. I think if she didn't like Phil so much she would trade him in for a younger model like she did with other men before him.

We pull up to a two story home that is way too big for a couple with no children or grandchildren in the area. At least I know that we won't be sleeping on the floor. Mom has told me the she loves this house and that they would love to buy it once the sellers come down on the price by over a hundred grand. She must be out of her mind. Even if the housing market is in a slump, no one is going to cut the price of a home this big by that much. She insists that it could happen.

I reply, "I guess if you're going to dream, dream big, right?"

"What do you mean by that?" Defensiveness oozes from her.

"Just that this is a lot of house and I think the asking price is more than fair."

"No its not. There are tons of issues with the house and the neighbors...well, I think any day now there will be an immigration raid and there won't be any one left."

"Mom if these people have bought the houses that they live in, more than likely there is no issue with their legal status."

"You don't know that. They probably have falsified papers."

"Are you for real mom? Have you seen their documents?"

"I can't ask because they only speak Mexican."

I can't believe this. "It is Spanish, Mom. They speak Spanish. And have you even tried to talk to them?"

"No, but when I'm out for a walk they are speaking to each other in _Spanish_", she emphasizes, " and I don't want to interrupt what they are saying."

"Next time just say 'hello' and see what happens. English is a pretty hard language to learn, so give them a break if they aren't perfect."

"We'll see."

"Just try."

The kids fell asleep on the way over and I reach in to get Seth.

Mom stops me and asks, "Should you be picking him up?"

"It is fine, mom. I'll need to stop once it gets uncomfortable, but right now I'm good. I can't stop being a mom just because I am pregnant."

"Alright, but I don't want anything to happen to that little baby."

"Don't worry."

We get inside and mom takes us to the rooms we will be in. The kids have a couple of blowup mattresses to sleep on.

"Sorry we don't have extra beds. We didn't get a chance to buy some before you came out."

"Don't worry about it. This is fine for us. I'd hate for you to buy something that wouldn't get used."

"Well, maybe if I bought them then you'd feel obligated to come out more."

"Mom, I shouldn't feel obligated. I will come out when I can, but you do know it would be cheaper for you to fly out to Washington than for all of us to come down here?"

"Yes, but you can get time off a lot easier than I can. I have Phil's schedule to work around."

"You do realize that Emily is in school, right? I have her schedule, plus I'll have two little ones to travel with. Let's not even talk about money. I have no job right now. Mom, you don't even work right now."

"Bella, don't be so over dramatic. I'm just saying it's easier with little kids because their schedule is so much more flexible."

"Sure it is, but it doesn't mean that it is easier. Besides, Phil is a big boy and can take care of himself."

"I know that he is grownup, but I just like taking care of him. I like that he acts like a boy sometimes."

I bite my tongue and just say, "Okay, Mom, I'm going to get my suitcase and get ready for bed."

"I better get to bed too."

I head out and get all of our stuff. Mom didn't even bother to help and so it takes me two trips.

I see a light on at the end of the hall and say "Goodnight." But no one answers. It's good to know that I have a racist, self-centered mom. Let the fun begin.


End file.
